Tag Archives: Parenting

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Travel Alternatives – Inviting The World Into Your Home

As the summer winds down and the school year starts up again with a vengence, I can’t help but stop a moment and think of how much the school calendar restricts the travel plans of many families. So I offer an alternative: sometimes it’s fun to invite the world into your home. I don’t mean by reading books, watching movies or even just talking about other countries. I’ve had plenty of fun doing all of these with my children, but last summer we hosted two Japanese exchange students and this is the experience my boys are still talking about.

welcome-group

Two of the boys in the photo above stayed with us for ten days. I’ll be honest, it was a challenging week-and-a-half. No-one in our family speaks Japanese and their English was halting at best. The kids were intrigued by each other and played well together but cultural differences flashed, if briefly, every so often – although nothing that a common love of Nintendo couldn’t resolve :)

boys-safeco

As you might expect, the Japanese boys were huge baseball fans. In his capacity as host, my young Irish-American tolerated just one game with them at Safeco Field. Language aside, I think he might have learned more about the game from them than he ever did from either of his parents.

Food was the most challenging aspect of the visit. Since I’m the one who does most of the cooking in our household and my culinary skills are really quite limited this was hardly surprising. One of the boys willingly tried everything I offered. The other was obviously a fairly picky eater and barely ate anything. As any mom charged with the care of another’s child might, I lay awake worrying about this. So, on their last night as our guests we went to a sushi restaurant. I can honestly say that I’ve never seen a kid put away so much sushi at one sitting!

family

We hosted these boys under a summer program sponsored by American Cultural Exchange. We replied to a request for host parents which had been sent out to the parents at CAM’s middle school. Have you hosted an exchange student? How did you find the program? Did you have a good experience? Leave a comment with your story.

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Free Range Kids On The Road

wading-at-carkeek-park

I read Lenore Skenazy’s blog Free Range Kids for the first time last month. Seriously, I cannot believe that I missed last year’s media furore when she let her then 9 year old son ride the New York subway home alone – but then again, I’m a working mom and I admit, there are days (weeks even) when don’t have time to either read the newspaper or listen to NPR.

At any rate, when I found Skenazy’s blog , I was excited. I mean truly, jumping-up-and-down excited. I’ve lived my parenting life in the U.S. where the shadow of being an outsider butts into my interactions with the moms of my children’s friends all too frequently. It’s not something that keeps me awake at night, but it’s an annoyance I struggle with since, like any mom, I appreciate that my kids want to fit in and my “no, I don’t like peanut butter and jelly” oddities are a distraction they’d rather not have to deal with and I’d rather not saddle upon them. On Free Range Kids I’ve found a group of people who, at least on one parental dimension (i.e. freedom and independence in childhood), think as I do and act as I do.

I grew up in a small Irish town. I don’t remember ever locking the door or turning on a house alarm (in fact, we didn’t have one). I do know that I and my younger siblings walked everywhere and were pretty darn self-sufficient from a very early age. Such were the practicalities of my life. We didn’t have scheduled playdates instead our friends just dropped by. We were regularly told to “go outside and don’t come back until…” (at which point I would usually take a book and go read in the garden).

Growing up in Seattle, my children have had a very different experience and frankly I have failed miserably at managing their social calendar. It’s like meal planning. Really, I want someone to show up at my house daily with an expertly prepared repast. Instead, I avoid thinking about dinner until I have to and then I regret not having planned in advance. I have the best of intentions in terms of scheduling playdates for both of my children, but by the time I remember to call it’s too late and Johnny or Jane or Jim is already doing something else. The net result of this is that I have two pleasant, but not very socially adept children. They don’t even realize it.

However, when it comes to travel, I think my kids are better prepared than most of their peers. This may seem counter-intuitive. I mean, you might think that a parent would be more rather than less protective of a child when traveling. And it’s true, I was – with my first child. He’s challenging in many ways, but not when we travel. He’ll sit by me in an airport and bemoan the fact that he’s leaving Seattle again, but he’s never wandered – unlike my younger son. I’ve never been in such good shape as I was the year BigB (the younger guy) turned two. I chased him everywhere we went. He doesn’t run any more, but he does have a streak of independence a mile wide and the self-confidence to pick himself up and go follow his interests -wherever we are. He’s not yet NINE people!

BigB has disappeared out of sight multiple times: in big cities and small towns, in airports and shopping malls, in the U.S. and in random other countries we’ve visited. When he was two, as we walked down a Parisian street, he decided he was hungry and found himself a cafe – we found him pretty quickly. At four, he insisted on riding the (admittedly beginner) ski lift with his brother but without parents. At six, with much cajoling, my older son (the cautious one) proudly ordered his own glace (ice cream) in a French cafe – while we waited outside. At the same age, my younger son explored the shops around the town square in Albufeira, Portugal while his dad and I ate lunch. I’d be lying if I said that I was totally calm every time he disappeared into a store but each time he reappeared, he confidently waved to us and ran to the next set of trinkets without a care in the world.

When we were in Rome last year, rather than insist that my boys sit quietly in a restaurant while their Dad and I finished dinner, they ran off to explore the Piazza Del Parthenon. With lights and music and street hawkers on every corner they were in kid heaven. They came looking for us before we had even left the restaurant. As I walked through the square after dinner, a Bangladeshi street hawker stopped me an congratulated me on my son’s bargaining skills (who knew?).

This may sound like my parenting is a little too “hands-off”, negligent even. That would be an incorrect assumption. We’ve developed a strategy which we use when we’re exploring a new place. We always carry cell phones and require that our children know the numbers – thankfully we both have phones which we can bring with us outside the U.S. and we subscribe to AT&T’s plan which allows us to make calls at reduced rates while traveling. We agree on a meeting place or a place where Mom and Dad will wait while the children explore. We insist that they stick together – and then we hope that they don’t have a sibling quarrel and part ways. So far that hasn’t happened.

All children are individuals and some are born with a desire to explore. As Lenore Skenazy suggests, it is worse to constrain a child like that than to let him (safely) roam. My son craves more and greater independence every day. My parenting decision was to recognize where my children’s respective personalities sit along the spectrum of independence and to provide the individual support needed – and then to encourage each of them to spread his wings – in whatever form that takes – based on the relevant individual starting point.

And if you travel, the opportunities to do so are endless.

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that’s news to me

Sometimes I come across articles on other people’s blogs or websites which are too good not to share.

The ONLY way to travel:
Apparently, if you travel with a Superhero, everything goes swimmingly. You have to smile as you read Amy Graff’s story of her recent airport experience with a child in a super-hero cape. I’m sure there’s moms out there who will keep this in mind the next time they travel. Thanks to the folks at TravelsWithChild for sharing this one.

Just in 2008, my super-independent eight-year-old managed to get lost in:

  • Trafalgar Square
  • Heathrow, Terminal 4
  • A large Barnes & Noble in Seattle

In case you think I’m an irresponsible parent, you should know that in all cases, he was found either sitting on the floor reading a book (but totally out of sight) or just a few feet away, in plain view, but in a very, very large crowd.

My biggest panic when we couldn’t see him in Trafalgar Square? That if he realized he was lost, I knew he didn’t know the number of the cell phone I was holding in my hand – which would be the easiest way for a concerned adult to help him find us. Thankfully, there’s a new product available, the Spot-Me-ID, which I plan to stock up on for future trips. And it is ‘On The Move Approved’ by the TravelingMamas. What more can I say?

Since we travel through Heathrow regularly, I’m equally excited to read about AC on the London Underground and intrigued by the potential demise of the Heathrow. There’s no doubt that the controversy over a third runway at Heathrow has been dragging on and even if approved, will come with a hefty price tag. I’ll be watching this story unfold.

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CAM-RER-2002

travel, kids and cultural awareness

I read an interesting article the other day. It made me stop and think. So how do you teach your kids to be culturally aware? And is this even possible? I wrote a long response to the author’s question on this on the twittermoms forum, but I care enough about this topic that I thought it worthwhile to share my ideas and opinions here too.

This question is posed at the start of this article: “How do you bring a culture into your own living room and bring back the actual experiences that forever make you see life differently?” I say, you have to start with what’s in your own living room. Abstract concepts like race and culture are difficult for children to understand, but they love to hear stories about you and to know more about their own family. Start with sharing that story. Use the foods you eat and your family’s traditions and celebrations to make the story come alive. This is step one in your child’s cultural awareness education.

Children of the World

You’ll need props to explain what you mean when you say that: “Your great-great-grandmother came from Italy.” I like to have a globe on hand. You can help your preschooler trace the route taken with his finger. Step two: The world is a big place and everywhere is not the same. Large floor puzzles Melissa and Doug World Map , Children Around the World) are a great way to integrate learning about the world into play – which is really how little kids learn.

If the World Were a Village

For me, step three was teaching my children about differences whether they are physical, social and economic. I have found the unicef store a great resource for books and puzzles for this. David J. Smith’s book If the World Were a Village excellently describes the uneven distribution of food, resources and education using simple math in a way that an elementary school child can easily understand.

And finally, step four is getting out there an experiencing the world. It may be choosing to take the bus around your town or traveling to another country (any other country) and savoring the differences you find there. Most importantly, when you travel, don’t stay in expensive hotels and rent a car. Live like a local or stay in a family-run guesthouse and take public transit. Yes, it adds an extra level of difficulty to traveling with children, but it’s worth it.

CAM-RER-2002
CAM, with his aunt, on the RER in Paris in 2002. Six, and patiently handling public transit like a pro.

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